Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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