Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
