Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
