It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
