Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so let's talk penis.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
