I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
