His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
