Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
