I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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