Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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