Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
