well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
