he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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