I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
