Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
