mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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