Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
