It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize