____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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