Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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