just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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