i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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