I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
