Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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