So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
