Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize