the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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