I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
