I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Houston, we have a squirter
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize