the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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