I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
