You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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