when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize