Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
