You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize