im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
