Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
