the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am available for nakedness
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
