I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
