I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
