Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
