Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
