R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
