I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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