Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
