so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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