whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
