Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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