If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
