i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize