I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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