so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
