remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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