I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
