Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
