Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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