Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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