So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she told me i tasted like america
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
