Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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