Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
