It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
