Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
