my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
