careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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