Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize