According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
