I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
