if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize