Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
