people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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