Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
