According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
