Four minutes until I can fart!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
